I think I'm a little drunk. Or, a lot drunk, considering how empty the wine bottle is. And that other wine bottle. And that third wine bottle over there. I've been in my hot tub for like three hours which I'm pretty sure isn't recommended, but fuck it. Do your worst, hot tub.

So, I've learned a few things tonight in my drunken hot tub time, unfortunately I'm not sure how many of them are useful. I've learned that the answers I'm looking for are not at the bottom of any of these three wine bottles. They're not in a pack of cigarettes. I do NOT smoke, by the way, but I decided to see what the big deal is. Um, not again. I don't see the appeal in coughing my lungs out and smelling like a washed out whore. I'll probably get lung cancer just from this one fucking time. Fuck it. Do your worst, cancer.

I've learned that there are some pretty fucking giant black widows that live around my pool house, but they burn like mad with a little help from some hairspray and a lighter.

I learned that drinking and lighting poisonous spiders on fire is not exactly a winning idea, but it's still a little bit fun. So far I haven't died or set myself on fire, so I have that going for me. Which is nice.

I hope there's more in my future than getting drunk in my hot tub and crying like a bitch over what I wish I could have and do and be.

Goddammit.