I stumbled on your blog, intrigued by the name. I've read all your posts and I see that you have a lot of turmoil - blogging is a good way to work that out and to find support from objective readers. The one post that has convinced me to follow you, for the time being at least, is the letter to your SIL. You do have some fire in your belly after all, I'd like to see you blast it out more often. Today's post is too vague. What is the mistake you refer to? I get the sense that you are trying to reclaim some personal strength - don't cheat yourself HERE, of all places. Bitch, moan, complain, vent... do all that. And do it like no one will ever know you wrote it, because if that is your wish, no one ever will. Take advantage of that anonimity.As for your husband, check if his life insurance is adequate, then start grinding up glass to add to his meals. Wait, did I say that out loud? Who the hell cares? No one need ever know.